Hi, my name is…… What’s your name?

5 reasons why finding out an agitated person’s first name and giving them your first name can help to de-escalate them?

Finding out an agitated person's first name and giving them your own first name is an important technique in de-escalation. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly it makes the interaction more personal and the other person feels more connected with you. Have you ever called a business and the person on the other end of the phone answers with: “Hello ABC business”, but doesn’t tell you their name. It feels less personal than if they say: “Hello ABC business Julie speaking”, and this can put you on the back foot from the start of your conversation with them.

Using someone's first name personalises the interaction, making the person feel acknowledged and valued as an individual.

An example could be: “Hi I’m Andrew, what’s your name?” Notice I didn’t say my full name or ask for their full name. For a stranger that may heighten their agitation thinking I want their name in order to report them to the authorities, or use their name for another legal purpose.

Finding out the other person’s name shifts the dynamic from an impersonal or confrontational one, to a more human and respectful exchange.

Secondly it builds trust by creating a sense of equality and openness. It comes across that you're not just an authority figure or stranger, but a person who is willing to engage with them on a personal level, which can help build trust.

Thirdly it has a calming effect. When someone hears their own name, it can have a calming effect, helping to ground them in the moment. People like to hear their own name. It reminds them that we are speaking to them directly, a this can reduce their feelings of being ignored or misunderstood.

The fourth reason is to help them focus and engage with us.

Using the other person’s name helps them to focus on the conversation. It can shift their attention away from their agitation and onto the interaction, making them more likely to listen and engage with you.

And finally using the other person’s name fosters empathy and respect which are critical in reducing tension. It shows that you see them as a person, not just a problem to be solved.